DOULA SERVICES
by Kalman Szalay
This essay was written by my wonderful husband to my request so other fathers can see a man's point of view about doulas and why doulas are important part of a birth team.
If you are reading this, you are probably a father and your partner wants to have a doula at your child’s birth or at least thinking about it. I can imagine what is going on in your mind. You are probably thinking: ”Why do we need a stranger who we have to pay as well to be part of this intimate time of our life”? I asked the same question from my wife, Timéa who was about 5 months pregnant when she said to me. “I want to have a doula at our birth”.
I was shocked, surprised and even hurt a little. I thought that she won’t want me there if she has a woman companion. I thought that she doesn’t trust me in helping her anymore. We had two births, three children before this one and I really started to feel confident in my abilities of supporting her in the best possible way.
Timéa kept “bugging” me about a Doula. I worked long hours and I did not have time to look into Doulas on my own. She provided the information for me. I read them but still it did not make sense to me why we, experienced parents need a doula. Reading the book “The Active Birth from Janet Balaskas” really opened my eyes to see this request from a different point of view. It started to make sense to have someone at the birth who is trained in childbirth, better than I am and knows what is happening and can reassure us that everything is going all right. I started to see that a Doula won’t replace me it will only help me more in supporting Timéa. I agreed to the request of interviewing Doulas to see if this was really for us and if we could find someone who we could connect with and who we could afford.
My wife came to me when she was about 9 months pregnant with a date that a Doula is coming to visit. I was curious but also scared. What if we like this Doula but our financial situation will not allow us to hire her? I had many questions that had to wait to get answered.
The Doula, Mélissa arrived at our home an hour after I got home from work. She was happy and outgoing on the first impression. She also homeschooled her 6 children just like us. My wife really liked her I could tell, because they started those “woman talks” when they hear and see no one around them. Although they were talking about birth and children, I was included in the conversation as often as possible. The doula asked my plan and wishes for this birth. I mentioned that I wanted to be part of it as much as possible and that I feel a doula would only replace me. Mélissa reassured me that wouldn’t happen. She’s there to help me help Timéa and emotionally support Timéa. When we asked her about the finances she said that her fees were negotiable and we can pay her in whatever form and time we wish. This was very good news for us. We would be able to have the professional help that my wife, Timéa really wants and we won’t need to get a loan to pay for it.
My wife and Mélissa kept in touch by e-mail and phone in the last couple of weeks of her pregnancy. When Timéa’s water broke at 12.30 a.m., it was a really awkward call to make, to a “stranger’s” home in the middle of the night.
Mélissa was on her way to our home and so were the midwives. When Mélissa arrived she went to work right away. Massaging Timéa’s back. Even though it was early labour, Timéa already needed help.
Mélissa always had a good suggestion for changing positions, moving about and she never forgot to ask Timéa to use the washroom. When Timéa was hot and I wanted to wash her brow, I didn’t’ have to go look for a washcloth it was right next to me as I turned around to look for it. Mélissa had “read our minds” and she already prepared it.
Mélissa was wonderful having around. When Timéa was going into transition I supported her from behind with massage and gentle talk, but Mélissa was right there at front of her making her focus by talking to her, holding her hand, massaging, stroking. Timéa also taught Mélissa a Hungarian word because as she was going deeper into transition just before our son was born, she always stops speaking English. Mélissa wasn’t lost at that time either. She kept talking quietly and reassuringly to her and kept her focusing, which really amazed me.
Even though I had my mother there, she didn’t know how to help what to do or what was happening. Mélissa knew, she always knew where to touch Timéa and how. What to do, or what was coming next. She was even able to put Timéa’s hair into a ponytail. Timéa won’t let anyone touch her hair. I was shocked that she let Mélissa do it. Mélissa had the touch and the knowledge.
Mélissa turned very quiet when our son was born. She gave us the space and privacy that we needed in welcoming our new baby. She went to get the older children, to come and see their new sibling. She brought drinks for everyone. Made us comfortable and to settle in, than she left home with a promise that she will return the following day.
She did just that. She came by to see how mom is doing and admire our new baby. She never forgets about me, which was very nice. She asked about the birth and my experience and she listened carefully. It took us three months to pay her and she was all right with that.
My wife and I don’t think that we are going to have another child, but if we do Mélissa will have to be part of it. We would not birth without a Doula and we just wish we knew about doulas or knew Mélissa when our other children were born.
I suggest to all fathers/partners reconsider you wife’s request. You will have a much better experience and a positive memory of your child’s birth. We did. Thank you Mélissa.
©Copyright 2004. Kalman Szalay is a father of four boys including a set of twins.
For permission to reprint, please e-mail Kalman Szalay .
Dads and Doulas:
Key Players on Mother's Labour Support Team
The word "doula" which comes from ancient Greek, today refers to a woman trained and experienced in childbirth. A doula provides continuous physical, emotional, and informational support to the expectant mother and her partner during labour, delivery and in the immediate postpartum period. The wisdom and emotional support of experienced women at birth is an ancient tradition. A doula does not take the place of the labouring woman's partner, family or friends, actually she brings a couple closer together. When it comes to pregnancy, birth, and parenting, today's father wants to share everything with his partner. A doula can provide the information to help parents make appropriate decisions and facilitate communication between the labouring woman, her partner and medical care providers.
By assuring that the dad’s needs are met, only then can he can give the mother his undivided attention. This is a challenging time for both mom and dad. Fathers worry they are not doing enough or the right thing. A doula helps him to care for and support his partner by giving suggestions, providing encouragement or giving needed breaks during a long labour. Dads in the 90's have been cast in the unfamiliar role of "Coach", even though they have little or no experience with birth. With a doula, a father can share in the birth at a level he feels most comfortable with. The doula’s skills and knowledge can help him to feel more relaxed. If the father wants to provide physical comfort such as back massage, change of positions, and help his partner to stay focused during contractions, the doula can provide that guidance and make suggestions for what may work best.
Dads often become overwhelmed and easily frustrated when the simple comfort techniques taught to them don't work, and a doula can help offer the right suggestion at the appropriate time, helping them use their support skills better. At times a father may not understand a woman’s instinctive behavior during childbirth and may react anxiously to what a doula knows to be the normal process of birth. He may witness his partner in pain and understandably become distressed. The doula can be reassuring and skillfully help the mother to cope with labour pain in her unique way.
Studies show that when doulas are present at birth, women have shorter labours, fewer medical interventions, fewer cesareans and healthier babies. Recent evidence also suggests that when a doula provides labour support, women are more satisfied with their experience and the mother-infant interaction is enhanced as long as two months after the birth. With doula support, fathers tend to stay more involved with their partner rather than pull away in times of stress. Physicians, midwives and nurses are responsible for monitoring labour, assessing the medical condition of the mother and baby, and treating complications when they arise. But childbirth is also an emotional and spiritual experience with long-term impact on a woman's personal well being. A doula is constantly aware that the mother and her partner will remember this experience throughout their lives. By "mothering the mother" during childbirth the doula supports the parents in having a positive and memorable birth experience.
A doula has accompanied many couples through the birth experience and gained the knowledge needed to help each couple achieve the desired birth experience. She helps the dad to be more involved and more effective. The nurses can not be with you at every moment or may not be at liberty to answer your questions in an unbiased manner. The doula fulfills this role so that the parents receive the information they need to make informed decisions. In essence, freeing up the dad to provide uninterrupted emotional support to his partner, and not having to play the role of advocate, liaison, educator etc... as well as provide support.
The father's presence and loving support in childbirth is comforting and reassuring.
The love he shares with the mother and his child, his needs to nurture and protect his family are priceless gifts that only he can provide. With her partner and a doula at birth a mother can have the best of both worlds: her partner’s loving care and attention and the doula's expertise and guidance in childbirth.
For more information about finding a doula in your area or how to become a doula, contact:
DONA
(888)788-DONA
Doula@DONA.org www.DONA.org Referrals@DONA.org
©DONA 2001 Permission granted to freely reproduce in whole or in part with complete attribution.
Dads and Doulas:
Key Players on Mother's Labour Support Team
The word "doula" which comes from ancient Greek, today refers to a woman trained and experienced in childbirth. A doula provides continuous physical, emotional, and informational support to the expectant mother and her partner during labour, delivery and in the immediate postpartum period. The wisdom and emotional support of experienced women at birth is an ancient tradition. A doula does not take the place of the labouring woman's partner, family or friends, actually she brings a couple closer together. When it comes to pregnancy, birth, and parenting, today's father wants to share everything with his partner. A doula can provide the information to help parents make appropriate decisions and facilitate communication between the labouring woman, her partner and medical care providers.
By assuring that the dad’s needs are met, only then can he can give the mother his undivided attention. This is a challenging time for both mom and dad. Fathers worry they are not doing enough or the right thing. A doula helps him to care for and support his partner by giving suggestions, providing encouragement or giving needed breaks during a long labour. Dads in the 90's have been cast in the unfamiliar role of "Coach", even though they have little or no experience with birth. With a doula, a father can share in the birth at a level he feels most comfortable with. The doula’s skills and knowledge can help him to feel more relaxed. If the father wants to provide physical comfort such as back massage, change of positions, and help his partner to stay focused during contractions, the doula can provide that guidance and make suggestions for what may work best.
Dads often become overwhelmed and easily frustrated when the simple comfort techniques taught to them don't work, and a doula can help offer the right suggestion at the appropriate time, helping them use their support skills better. At times a father may not understand a woman’s instinctive behavior during childbirth and may react anxiously to what a doula knows to be the normal process of birth. He may witness his partner in pain and understandably become distressed. The doula can be reassuring and skillfully help the mother to cope with labour pain in her unique way.
Studies show that when doulas are present at birth, women have shorter labours, fewer medical interventions, fewer cesareans and healthier babies. Recent evidence also suggests that when a doula provides labour support, women are more satisfied with their experience and the mother-infant interaction is enhanced as long as two months after the birth. With doula support, fathers tend to stay more involved with their partner rather than pull away in times of stress. Physicians, midwives and nurses are responsible for monitoring labour, assessing the medical condition of the mother and baby, and treating complications when they arise. But childbirth is also an emotional and spiritual experience with long-term impact on a woman's personal well being. A doula is constantly aware that the mother and her partner will remember this experience throughout their lives. By "mothering the mother" during childbirth the doula supports the parents in having a positive and memorable birth experience.
A doula has accompanied many couples through the birth experience and gained the knowledge needed to help each couple achieve the desired birth experience. She helps the dad to be more involved and more effective. The nurses can not be with you at every moment or may not be at liberty to answer your questions in an unbiased manner. The doula fulfills this role so that the parents receive the information they need to make informed decisions. In essence, freeing up the dad to provide uninterrupted emotional support to his partner, and not having to play the role of advocate, liaison, educator etc... as well as provide support.
The father's presence and loving support in childbirth is comforting and reassuring.
The love he shares with the mother and his child, his needs to nurture and protect his family are priceless gifts that only he can provide. With her partner and a doula at birth a mother can have the best of both worlds: her partner’s loving care and attention and the doula's expertise and guidance in childbirth.
For more information about finding a doula in your area or how to become a doula, contact:
DONA
(888)788-DONA
Doula@DONA.org www.DONA.org Referrals@DONA.org
©DONA 2001 Permission granted to freely reproduce in whole or in part with complete attribution.
Homebirth at the hospital
Giuditta Tornetta
Doulas, birthing assistants, can make all the difference at your birth. Here, Doula Giuditta Tornetta explains how one mom can have a natural, homebirth experience at the hospital.
Your question:
I’d love to have a natural homebirth, but I feel safer in the hospital. What do you suggest I do to create a homebirth environment at the hospital? Will a doula help me at the hospital?
The expert answers:
Many people believe that doulas work with homebirths more then hospital births. Truth is 95 percent of the births I attend are at the hospital. In fact I’d say the majority of doulas work in hospitals helping women have a natural, home-like childbirth experience.
There are five steps to realize your desire for a home-like, natural and painless childbirth at the hospital. I speak about a painless childbirth, because I have experienced it firsthand, and so have many of my clients, friends and fellow doulas. Here are the five steps.
1. Become willing to have a natural experience, no matter what. Willing to change what you believe and what you have being taught. For us to change our intention and the outcome of any of our endeavors, we need to start by becoming clear as to what we want.
Get a clear intention of the kind of birthing experience you want, regardless of what you have heard, what kind of birth your mother, sisters, etc have had, and regardless of your age, size, heritage and so forth.
<a><img>Before the Golden Gate Bridge was built there was an idea, a desire to build it and a willingness to do whatever needed to be done to make it happen. Reading books on natural childbirth, and talking to women who have experienced natural childbirth is a good way to begin.
2. Trust that you can do it. Believing that not only you can do it, but that you deserve to have such an experience is a very important step toward success. If Columbus did not believe that he could circumnavigate the earth, he would not have began his journey east to get west. Fake it till you make it if you have to. Tell yourself every day that you will have the birthing experience you desire.
Write it down, meditate on it, pray for it. Do whatever it takes to grow the self-confidence that you have all that it takes to have such an experience. Make sure you surround yourself with supportive people. Do not waste time listening to those who are quick to tell you that it is impossible, those who like you to have the same medicated experience they have had.
3. Make a decision that a natural childbirth, a homebirth-like experience is what you want and will have. So far the first two steps had to do with an inner dialogue. This step suggests that you actually no longer vacillate about your intention. Yes, you have chosen to have your child at the hospital because you feel more comfortable. You have made a good decision, now decide that you will have a home-like birth at the hospital you will choose. Make sure you choose a hospital that will allow you to have such an experience. Go and visit the hospitals that are covered by your insurance company, ask about each facility to other women, doulas, childcare educators and if you have any midwives in your town, ask them too.
4. Take action. Choose a care provider that will support your desire. Interview a few, make sure they have supported other women with the same experience you want. Ask the doctors for references, be polite, ask them if they are willing to give you the names of patients who have had a natural childbirth, so that you may talk to them and get some advice. We never ask our doctors for references, yet our references are always checked when we are to get a new job. Go to independent childbirth education classes, hire a doula (visit DONA.org to find a certified doula in your area), find alternative ways to cope with labor. Look into hypnosis for a painless childbirth.
5. The fifth and final step comes much later. Because you have been successful obtaining a natural, home-like birth at the hospital, share your experience with other women and helped them fulfill their desires, and dreams. If you can do it, we can all do it. Share the joy. What you focus on expands!
Many of my clients will tell you they have experienced a natural, and painless childbirth. When I say painless, please understand, I don’t mean you will not feel anything.
What you will feel is a lot of pressure, you will feel the might of creation come through you. But pain is associated with something gone wrong. You break a leg, you feel pain. Something is not “right.” Childbirth is a lot of hard work, and the sensations that accompany it are very strong, but there is nothing “wrong” with labor.
Labor is what happens when a baby comes into this world. Remember, until something goes wrong you are not a patient, you are a healthy birthing mother using the hospital facility to bring your child into this world. Labor comes one minute at the time, and if you focus on managing that one minute you will be able to conquer it.
Birth is sacred and if for some reason you have to be medicated, or even if you have to have a Cesarean birth, know that it does not make you less of a woman and you have done nothing wrong. We are blessed with modern technology, great medicine and amazing doctors who are standing by ready to help us in the moment of need. We embrace all births, and we take charge of our own, as we stay open to whatever happens.
Pat Sonnenstuhl, CNM, CPPI, HBCE, CHt
Birth Counseling
http://home.comcast.net/~prebirthhealth/birthcounseling.htm
HypnoBirthing and Hypnosis for Birth
http://home.comcast.net/~hypnosisforbirth
NATIONAL | September 25, 2005 http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/25/national/25doula.html?ex=1128398400&en= bf86af030d5a6664&ei=5070&emc=eta1 ’Mothering the Mother’ During Childbirth, and After By JODI WILGOREN Doulas - part mentors, part hand-holders - are increasingly offering their > childbirth services to low-income teenagers. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/25/national/25doula.html?pagewanted=1&ei=5070 &en=bf86af030d5a6664&ex=1128398400&emc=eta1 The story includes a good photo of the doula with a Mom and babe.
By JODI WILGOREN
Published: September 25, 2005
CHICAGO, Sept. 23 - Loretha Weisinger tickled the tummy of 1-month-old Kejuan Kelly, then twirled his tiny blue bootie on her finger. She cooed and cradled him, all the while softly lobbing questions at his young mother.
Loretha Weisinger, right, was with Lakenya Cannon in Chicago when Kejuan was born after 29 hours of labor. She still provides support and advice.
How many bottles does he drink in a day? (A lot.) How many diapers? (About five.) Does he have a bowel movement every day? (Yes.) Are you reading him bedtime stories? (Yes, that book you gave me.) Do you turn out the light when you put him down? (Yes, so he knows the difference between day and night.)
“Tell me something amazing about him,” Ms. Weisinger prodded, “something amazing that you’re discovering about him.”
“He likes to look at a lot of things,” ventured Kejuan’s mother, Lakenya Cannon, 19. “I didn’t think babies would be that nosey. If he sees my eyes wide open, he’ll open his eyes wide.”
Ms. Weisinger is neither family member nor social worker. She is not Ms.Cannon’s doctor, but her doula.
Part mentor, part coach, all-around hand-holder and advocate, doulas are an increasingly popular childbirth accessory, with the leading organization counting 5,000 registered professionals in 2004, up from 750 a decade before.
But while doulas, who often charge $1,000 per birth, are typically an indulgence of upper-middle-class mothers-to-be, Ms. Weisinger is leading a newer trend of providing such services to low-income teenagers who usually face labor with far less support and knowledge about the process.
Once a teenage mother herself - she had her first baby at 16 - Ms. Weisinger,now 49, is the star of a new documentary being screened here on Monday evening, as doula devotees try to replicate her work on the West Side of Chicago in cities around the country. Already, there are similar programs in Phoenix, Indianapolis, Denver, Atlanta and Albuquerque, with nascent plans to start up in San Francisco, Seattle, New York, Cleveland, Milwaukee, Washington and even a small town in Alaska.
“Every woman needs that kind of support around birth,” said Rachel Abramson, director of Chicago Health Connection, the organization leading the replication effort. “But in terms of resources and need, it’s particularly critical for women who are underserved, who face a lot of challenges in their lives.”
Doulas date to ancient Greece; the word means “woman servant” in Greek, though Ann Grauer, president of DONA International, the membership group formerly known as Doulas of North America, translates it as “wise woman of birth.”
“The concept of the doula has been around as long as there’s been people,” Ms. Grauer said. “If you look at any birth art, going back 2,000 or 3,000 years, there’s always an extra woman who’s in the picture or in the sculpture supporting that mother. We just didn’t have a name for it.”
Unlike midwives, doulas do not deliver a baby, but typically support the mother throughout the process.
In the late 1980’s and early 1990’s, researchers found that women who used doulas had shorter labors and fewer Caesarean sections. For low-income teenagers like Ms. Weisinger’s clients, having a doula provide prenatal classes and postpartum counseling led to increased rates of breast-feeding - 50 percent with doulas compared with 30 percent without in a new University of Chicago study - as well as less tangible benefits.
“The mothers who had the doulas talk more to their babies, smile more - they’re just displaying a lot more positive affect and engagement,” said Sydney Hans, the University of Chicago psychologist who ran the study, made up of 248 mothers ages 14 to 21. “When they talk about childbirth they tend to use more first-person words, like ‘I did this’ or ‘I did that,’ as opposed to ‘the doctor did this.’ There’s a sense of ownership about their childbirth experience.”
Ms. Weisinger’s work is part of a broader teenage parenting program at Marrillac House, a stalwart community center in the largely poor and overwhelmingly African-American neighborhood of East Garfield Park, one of three doula experiments started in this city by the Irving Harris Foundation in 1996. Now there are six such operations in Chicago and 18 in Illinois, serving 750 mothers a year at a cost of about $2 million, most from the state Departments of Human Services and Education.
Marrillac usually handles 28 births a year; Ms. Weisinger has been through 10 since summer started, with Ms. Cannon’s 29-hour ordeal one of two she witnessed on Aug. 22 alone. “I try not to remember those numbers because it makes me tired,” Ms. Weisinger said when asked how many deliveries she had attended in her career.
A mother of 4 and grandmother of 13 who had previous jobs as a bus attendant and at a box factory, Ms. Weisinger was about to start work as a cook in a downtown restaurant in 1996 when Marrillac, where she had long volunteered, invited her to train as a doula. She almost quit after the first birth, an extreme episiotomy, but soon saw it as a calling.
“The main thing that I think I’m doing is giving them their voice,” said Ms. Weisinger, who earns about $20,000 a year. “It’s a way of helping them to help their children. My thing is, if you don’t speak up for yourself, it’s hard for you to teach your children to speak up.”
So Ms. Weisinger makes the young women write down three questions to bring to each prenatal doctor’s appointment, which she often attends with them. She takes donated children’s books, toys, pregnancy magazines and parenting videos to twice-monthly home visits.
She tells the women she is available “25/8” because when she used to say “24/7,” some would still not call past midnight or on holidays. Once the babies are born, she has the mothers map out six-month goals.
In the hourlong documentary, which is scheduled to be broadcast on PBS stations starting next month, Ms. Weisinger lays hands on women’s stomachs to feel kicks, holds their shoulders as they breathe through contractions, dances in a prolonged hug with one in the delivery room.
“Mothering the mother” is how doulas explain the essence of their work; Ms. Weisinger says she is often the first nurturing presence in troubled lives.
Je’Taun Ball, one of the mothers featured in the film, said that during her delivery, her own mother was busy crying and the baby’s father stayed in a corner, scared, “but Loretha was telling me techniques to keep the baby safe.”
“She was telling me to breathe to slow the baby’s heart rate, was telling me to stop pushing so she wouldn’t strangle,” Ms. Ball, 22, recalled of her labor three years ago. “She got me to stop panicking and breathe the normal way.”
And when an exhausted Ms. Ball waved off the nurse trying to hand over her newborn daughter, Ms. Weisinger made her take the baby in her arms.
“That was the first moments of my baby’s life, and I would have missed out, I would have regretted that,” said Ms. Ball, who is now working in a nursing home and attending night classes to become a nurse.
“I was a teenager, you know, scared, shy - I didn’t really know a lot about the world,” she added. “I thought it was the end of my life when I had that child.
The only encouragement I had was Loretha, who told me I could move on.”
LuAnne Daly, CHT, HBCE, HBPLC, HBFT
Classical Hypnotherapy
and HypnoBirthing(R) Childbirth Education
Gentle Birth Hypno-Doula Services
Fertility Therapy
Tuning into Your Unborn Baby for a Joyful Pregnancy and Birth
Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with birth.
450-437-5015
ilona@hypnobirthingcanada.com
